


The Official Arashi Fic Exchange (comments compilation)

by oviparous



Series: Official Arashi Fan-fiction [3]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 04:28:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10779573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oviparous/pseuds/oviparous
Summary: Arashi and their management are the forerunners of 'official fan-fiction', fiction which the boys write themselves to feed their fans' wildest desires. This episode is about them commenting on the fics that they've written for each other for the Official Arashi Fic Exchange before it gets released to the public.





	The Official Arashi Fic Exchange (comments compilation)

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](http://oviparousfic.livejournal.com/35115.html). I used 'character count' instead of 'word count' because in my head they write in Japanese.

To: **Managers (all)**  
  
From: **Matsumoto Jun**  
  
Subject: **Comments added**  
  
Good evening. We've commented on each other's work as suggested. Please have a look. Thanks for all the hard work you put in for us every day.  
  
Matsumoto Jun  
  
***  
  
To: **Arashi** **(all members)**  
  
From: **Head Manager**  
  
Subject: **Ready to publish**  
  
Hi guys. The comments are great. We've consolidated and added them to the document - please look it over and let me know if you're cool with this. Once you give the all-clear, we'll publish.  
  
One last thing. We've noticed that a) Aiba-kun stars as a main character in every fic except the one he wrote and b) Sakurai-kun only features once as lead, and a co-lead at that. We ask that this be avoided the next time.  
  
Thanks.

 

***

 **Recipient:** Aiba-chan  
**Writer:** Ohno Satoshi  
  
**Title:** Playing Sandwich  
**Pairing:** Jun/Sakuraiba  
**Rating:** NC-17  
**Character count:** 300  
**Summary:** Matsujun once kicked Aiba-kun out of the shower when he attempted to join him, but things are quite different when two members team up and demand to help Jun wash.  
**Notes:** First time writing a threesome-ish thing. It was fun.  
  
**Comments**  
  
Sakurai Sho:  
  
Stories set in showers tend to be so, so dirty.  
  
Also, isn't this based on a true story?  
  
  
Ninomiya Kazunari:  
  
Not sure if this can be counted as fiction, Ohno-san, but great job nonetheless. Jun in denial and being uncomfortable is the funniest thing ever.  
  
My favourite scene:  
  
_The shampoo bottle was, unfortunately, settled on the floor.  
  
"Don't you want to wash your hair, Jun-kun?" Sho asked innocently.  
  
"I'm not going to bend over with the two of you on either side of me." Jun gritted his teeth and tried to stave off a roaring arousal while reaching for the bar of soap that was, thankfully, attached to a tray on the wall.  
  
Aiba promptly swatted the soap out of Jun's hand.  
  
"Oops?" said Aiba with a grin._  
  
God, this story never gets old.  
  
  
Aiba Masaki:  
  
MIND. BLOWN. I asked for Matsujun/anyone but you gave me Matsujun/ _ANYONES_.  
  
Love the part where Sho-chan and I start kissing over Jun's shoulder while soaping him up and he's just pretending not to care HAHAHAHA. (I'm not going to ask you how you got this information - not that I'm confirming anything!)  
  
And yeah I guess I have to contend with us not going all the way because, you know, it's Matsujun. Full marks for believability.  
  
I love this so much! Thank you, Leader.

  
Matsumoto Jun:  
  
Leader, we need to talk.

***

 **Recipient:** J  
**Writer:** Ninomiya Kazunari  
  
**Title:** An Enigmatic Lore  
**Pairing:** Aiba/Ohno  
**Rating:** G  
**Character count:** 722  
**Summary:** Aiba is a craftsman living in a ninja village. Ohno is a ninja who finds Aiba gorgeous and sweet. One day Aiba's family gets stalked and Ohno helps him figure out who's the stalker in a bid to win Aiba's affections.  
**Notes:** No prizes for figuring out which of Leader's and Aiba-kun's works were my inspirations for this one.  
  
**Comments**  
  
Aiba Masaki:  
  
OMG Nino you submitted this so fast. DID YOU ALREADY HAVE THIS FIC ON HAND?! It's so long!!!!  
  
I LOVE THIS, BY THE WAY. Good job for making it G, gives so much more room for future sexy expansion.  
  
And LOL at your villain!self-insert. I can't believe you made yourself say this:  
  
_"Maybe you can put that sword in me sometime," said Ninomiya, winking._  
  
YOU'RE HORRIBLE AND I LOVE YOU. Doesn't that qualify as sexual innuendo, though? Maybe you should up the rating hahaha or maybe my mind's just in the gutter.

  
Matsumoto Jun:  
  
Nino, first of all, thank you. It was a really well-written story, as expected of you, but why is the rating G? Even some hand-holding would have been appreciated. If you remember, I asked for an R-rated fic.  
  
That said, I think you really employed the idea of fanfiction to your best advantage by taking elements of not only the members but the works that they've appeared in. I'm thoroughly impressed. I think you stayed true to my request of 'pure, sweet love' pretty well too, so thank you for that.  
  
Also, you write both these guys fantastically. I mean, the why of it is obvious, but wow. That scene in the kitchen where Leader and Aiba-chan were cooking together? I could actually see it happening in real life. It was really sweet. You have a real flair for romance and making your readers read between the lines.  
  
Dammit Nino, write a sequel. NO MORE G-RATED FICS FROM YOU.  
  
  
Sakurai Sho:  
  
How you can keep it G and still have it actually be romantic is beyond me. When I first read the summary I was kind of worried it was going to be flippant and maybe bordering on crack but you did a splendid job.  
  
(I'm quite jealous.)  
  
I loved how Ohno-kun had to battle the temptation to drag out the search since he wanted more time to get close to Aiba-kun, but every time he had to make a decision he would 'do the right thing' and end up expediting the process.  
  
That's so him.  
  
And I actually laughed out loud when Aiba-kun accidentally kabe-don-ed Ohno-kun and there was no reaction from either of them hahaha.  
  
Oh, Nino, you wonderful creature.  
  
Now I'm actually nervous about you reading my Aiba/Ohno.  
  
  
Ohno Satoshi:  
  
Aiba/Ohno is so hard to write (and harder to read!) so I really like what you did here!  
  
That kabe-don scene... It's spot on. I wouldn't have reacted. You know us so well! The situation was really funny too, Aiba-chan trying to catch a falling piece of paper so desperately hahaha. He would totally do that.  
  
I think you've made me fall in love with Aiba-chan for real. Uh-oh.

***

  
**Recipient:** Nino  
**Writer:** Sakurai Sho  
  
**Title:** Sweets Danshi  
**Pairing:** Ohno/Aiba  
**Rating:** R+  
**Character count:** 1263  
**Summary:** As per his hopes, Aiba finally gets invited to Ohno's home and is served more than a cup of tea.  
**Notes:** This is a sexy fic, I promise.  
  
**Comments**  
  
Ninomiya Kazunari:  
  
Looking at the title and then the summary I thought the only action that'd happen between the two goons would be them eating cake, and I was right.  
  
That's what I thought for the first 20 scenes, anyway. LOL. Sorry.  
  
I asked for real romance and I must say you delivered. (Despite the courtship revolving largely around confectionery.) I've never pegged you as the sensitive soul type (we all know that's J) but I think you tried your best!  
  
The sex, though. I actually laughed at some parts. I don't know if it was intentional, but 'excalibur' is hardly a word I would use to describe anyone's penis. Just so you know.  
  
I know you love me so thank you for this.  
  
  
Matsumoto Jun:  
  
Sho-san, I really don't think Aiba-chan would enjoy smearing chocolate cake around a butthole and eating out of said butt (even if it's Leader's), _butt_ to each his own.  
  
(Yeah I know. Four points.)  
  
  
Ohno Satoshi:  
  
If this is what's going to happen when I invite Aiba-chan up to my apartment...  
  
AIBA-CHAN, YOU CAN COME TONIGHT LOL.  
  
  
Aiba Masaki:  
  
HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  
  
Okay first of all, I know this is a fic for Nino, but I LOOOOOOVED it. I mean this in the best possible way Sho-chan - you tried SO HARD. The porn was so hardcore it was hilarious.  
  
Next, the romance! I would woo Leader with chocolate gateau, wouldn't I. It was really sweet that he wooed me back, though. And you guys on the sidelines cheering us on, that made me smile.  
  
Thank you, Nino, for requesting this! Sho-chan, I can't wait to read the one you wrote for Leader.

***

  
**Recipient:** Sho-chan  
**Writer:** Aiba Masaki  
  
**Title:** One Sub-culture, Two Sub-cultures, Three Sub-cultures, Score  
**Pairing:** Nino/Jun  
**Rating:** R+++ (I broke the rating meter I think)  
**Character count:** 417  
**Summary:** Jun is a producer for a media company. Nino is a freelance director. They work together for the first time on a series of documentaries and find out that their chemistry on set translates just as well into the bedroom.  
**Notes:** I worked really hard on this one! It's my best work so far, IMO.  
  
**Comments**  
  
Matsumoto Jun:  
  
Oh. My. God.  
  
  
Ninomiya Kazunari:  
  
THANK YOU FOR BELIEVING IN MY SEXUAL PROWESS, MY FRIEND.  
  
That said, I don't want to be a homewrecker. I thought we agreed Jun/Bonsai was our group's OTP. I see what you did there. You made it watch the whole process. You nasty.

  
Sakurai Sho:  
  
This was hot, disturbing, creative and informative all at the same time. You're truly the miracle boy. It shows even in your writing.

And you wrote this for me. I'm so honoured.  
  
I found the first few sections titillating in their oddness. (The title makes sense now.) The pacing was excellent - I feel like I just barrelled through those first parts and when I reached the fourth everything slowed down in the most deliberate, tantalising fashion. Way to build up the anticipation! The mundaneness of the bedroom (and unsuspecting bonsai spectator, hahaha) was a nice change of scenery from the first three sections, but the sex in that room - good God. Dare I ask what kind of porn you've been watching of late?

  
Ohno Satoshi:  
  
Whoaaaaaa Aiba-chan! Nino and Matsujun making out in a room full of gothic lolita mannequins, what? And at an anime convention _inside of a conjoined mascot costume_ how did you even think of that? And that genderless K-pop swingers club - does it even exist?!  
  
I'm so impressed!!  
  
And that bedroom scene. Wow. Poor bonsai though.

***

  
**Recipient:** Leader  
**Writer:** Matsumoto Jun  
  
**Title:** Kogajajima Fantasy  
**Pairing:** Nino/Aiba initiated OT5  
**Rating:** R+  
**Character count:** 502  
**Summary:** A land development company sends a team to an uninhabited island for an overnight reconnaissance. After a day of exploration, two of them start having sex in the tent, and soon the other three join in.  
**Notes:** Mwahaha.  
  
**Comments**  
  
Aiba Masaki:

How come Nino and I call the shots but you get all the action?!?!  
  
It was soooo funny though. In a good way. And lol at everyone being covered in bruises the next day. So true and so real. People need to know tents = shit lumbar support.  
  
  
Ninomiya Kazunari:  
  
I can't unsee the scene where Sho-chan gets up and looks at the four of us hammering it in and he's all "don't let me wake up, please, don't let me wake up" as he shucks off his pants. LOL.  
  
Brilliant, J.  
  
  
Sakurai Sho:  
  
Matsujun, I will never slap anyone like that! And I don't think Nino and Aiba have it in them to make me slap you like that.  
  
The transition from day to night was done really well. I like how we had all these mishaps and disagreements but everyone just made up (and made out) in the end.  
  
Question, though - why was I the last to be roused? :(  
  
Lastly, I thought you were going to be all mean-spirited because of our bonsai comments but I enjoyed this OT5 immensely!  
  
  
Ohno Satoshi:  
  
I laughed so hard. Great casting, by the way. You're right, I would totally be uncomfortable with barking orders at people. Thank you, fictional Sho and Jun. You are the best right-hand men I could ever ask for as chief engineer.  
  
Having Nino and Aiba-chan direct everything during the nighttime part was a stroke of genius. It justifies so much of what we did that we wouldn't do normally. (You topped all of us! Revenge for your bonsai?)  
  
Thank you. It was so funny. You really should write more fics like this.

  
***

  
**Recipient:** Satoshi-kun  
**Writer:** Sakurai Sho  
  
**Title:** Take me faraway  
**Pairing:** Nino/Aiba  
**Rating:** NC-17  
**Character count:** 602  
**Summary:** A televised survival game. It's their last week on the island. Who will win - Nino, Aiba or love?  
**Notes:** I spent too much time on the other fic and just kind of threw this one together. Sorry!!!  
  
**Comments**  
  
Ohno Satoshi:  
  
This was so short for your standards. I think you wrote it really well, though!  
  
Honestly I just threw out a pairing at random and never expected something this amazing to come out of it. (No offence to Matsujun, I loved your humorous take on the prompt as well!)  
  
The part where Nino fell into the trap and Aiba-chan got him out and hugged him was just. My heart hurt, I swear. And them making love in the forest alcove. I teared, Sho-chan. It was so pretty. (The part about the producers having to edit it out hit really close to home. Haha.)  
  
You write stuff like that a lot better than you write hardcore porn!!!  
  
I'm so happy to have received two fics this cycle. I love you Sho-chan.  
  
  
Ninomiya Kazunari:  
  
I can't wrap my head around how this fic you threw together for Oh-chan is better constructed than the one you laboured over for me. Where is the love?  
  
I'm usually not that crazy about fics involving myself but I really liked what you did here. The setting, the language, everything. It was beautiful.  
  
I take back what I said about you not being a sensitive soul.  
  
Aiba-shi, if we ever end up fucking each other, we have Sho-chan to thank.  
  
  
Matsumoto Jun:  
  
_There had been nothing in the world that would make Nino give up anything; now he had someone he'd give everything up for, and anything to._  
  
THIS. Oh my God.  
  
Sho-san. Marry me. You just made me a Nino/Aiba shipper, and you KNOW how I feel about OT5.  
  
We had totally different interpretations of Leader's prompt. It's wonderful. Yours is ethereal and poetic and makes me break out in goosebumps.  
  
Honestly, you should just throw fics together all the time. Maybe collab with Nino on the sequel to his ninja fic.  
  
  
Aiba Masaki:  
  
I have no words, Sho-chan. This fic just shows that your theory about using a thesaurus is shit. I'm serious. I could understand every word and it was so touching. It's fiction, but at some point I wanted to be the me in this story. You made me want to love Nino and save him from snakes and fuck him sweetly in a forest. That's the power of your words, Sho-chan. I love you. I love you and I love Nino and I love all of you.

**Author's Note:**

> Back in the day (2009, 2010) I wrote a lot of crack. Like [these](http://oviparousfic.livejournal.com/tag/ultimate%20crossover%20of%20doom), and [these](http://oviparousfic.livejournal.com/tag/wonder%20years). Seven years later, I'm almost 30, and I'm still writing crack. OH WELL. Hope you had fun! More to come in this series, unfortunately. lol.


End file.
